10 Things with Joe: Emperor Doom
10 Things I would’ve done better than God Emperor Doom in Secret Wars:
- Use my army of Thors as my lords.
The biggest crux of Secret Wars is that the lords eventually rebel against Doom. You know who has undying loyalty? The army of blonde gods with hammers I will into existence. Why would you trust a man who’s name is Apokalypse when you can go with Thor? It makes so much sense, since Doom was able to control the Thors as well.
2. Make a normal world.
Doom makes this weird Mad Max type of world, had he created a normal world, heroes would’ve returned to their normal thought process. Doom would still be a god, and heroes wouldn’t be wiser about it. Why wouldn’t you do this? You get to run the world, and the heroes don’t immediately generate a plan to destroy you.
3. Feed Molecule Man.
It’s not that hard.
4. End world hunger.
You’re god, figure it out. Also how is there still petty crimes in a world where Reed Richards can exist? How did he not figure out the socioeconomic reasons of crime. Seriously, Doom could hold that over any hero, and instead he populated a wasteland and did nothing with it.
5. Make a sequel to Space Balls.
How did we never get sequels for either the prequel or sequel trilogies, this is a mistake that Doom could fix.
6. Fix his own face.
Doom’s entire context is that he believes he is a monster and feels compelled to act as a monster. How on earth did he not fix himself. He made Reed do it, how is that not the second thing on your list of things to do when you’re god.
7. Make yourself good.
Good is objective, if you’re god why don’t you realign good to be whatever you want it to be. Come on Doom, this is freshman philosophy, I’m not asking you to read Kant and Hume over here. Just sneak past morality.
8. Feed Molecule man
I cannot stress this enough.
9. Mind control
If you’re so powerful why bother with sentience, just make a hive mind. Seriously Doom, you gotta try harder.
10. FEED MOLECULE MAN
HOW HOW HOW DID THIS BECOME YOUR ACHILLES HEEL